Simon Haynes - Short Stories
These stories were originally published in magazines, but since that was several years ago I've decided to make them available to a wider audience. You're welcome to share them with friends and family, provided they're unaltered and in the format provided here. They're not to be reproduced in part or in whole on the web, and commercial publication in print is expressly forbidden.
All stories are available in PDF format. If you left-click the story title you should be able to read them in your browser. If you right-click the story title you should be able to save the file to your computer.
One last comment - the most recent of these stories was written in 2002 so they're not examples of my recent work. You can find that here.
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Sleight of Hand
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This story originally appeared in Potato Monkey issue 1, and later won the 2001 Aurealis Award for horror. Personally I think it's SF/Humour, but when people are thrusting trophies into your hands you don't waste time arguing.
Synopsis: After a cosy meal, the protagonist retires to his host's workshop for an after-dinner drink ... and becomes the unwitting subject of an experiment.
Warning - contains a strong expletive or two
'The other day I began to consider the practical benefits of sending matter as an attachment.'
'Matter?'
Ralph rapped his knuckles on the benchtop. 'Objects.'
My eyebrows rose. 'You want to email a piece of wood?' We'd managed a bottle of wine between us over the apricot chicken, but I didn't think he was that far gone.
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Loss Leader
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Originally appeared in Andromeda Spaceways issue #3. Issue 5 cover artist Dion Hamill was so taken with the story that it inspired him to paint The Long Sleep in 2003.
Synopsis: After delays and last-minute setbacks, the first colony ship leaves planet Earth for a distant star. Join the crew as they discover all is not as it seems...
Reviews from ASIF:
"... pure science fiction and, just between ourselves, an entirely evil tale, suggesting a far more likely approach to Earth colonizing the universe than I have seen in a long time."
"... a tale of space colonization as executed with corporate corruption (the kind you probably, sadly know firsthand), written with a dawning, chilling, believable cynicism."
Warning - contains a couple of strong expletives
'This is it, ladies and gentlemen, your last sight of the Glory before it leaves. This is a historical moment without parallel, a moment which opens the book on the Human conquest of space!' The commentator paused for breath as the rectangular grey slab vanished in a glare of white light. 'And there she goes, departing on a journey of a hundred years! Don't forget, folks, you can book your place right now. Just press the Order button on your remote. Please note, those under eighteen years will need permission from...'
'Turn it off,' called Erin.
The viewscreen cleared.
'What the hell was that?' Roth looked around the control room. 'We haven't gone anywhere.'
'They prepared that earlier. Our launch window clashed with a major sports event, so they mocked something up.'
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Escape Clause
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Originally appeared in Andromeda Spaceways issue #4
Synopsis: Workers are treated badly by their boss, and one decides to take matters into his own hands.
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The Desolator
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Originally appeared in Andromeda Spaceways issue #6. Trudi Canavan drew the artwork which originally accompanied the story, and you can see her Desolator image here
Synopsis: Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon.
Runt picked up the blade, his eyes bright with tears. 'Glimmer! Oh, Glimmer! Long and tedious will be the songs composed in thy honour!' He raised the broken pieces and closed his eyes. 'I shall not rest until--'
'Yadda yadda yadda,' said the cleric. 'You only just bought it from that squinty little sh-t down Terrace road.'
'It's still a magic sword.'
'No, it was a magic sword. Now it's a magic artifact.'
'What's the difference?'
'Try killing an orc with an artifact.'
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